Connection

Theres that sensation after being with someone they have left a residue of themselves on your skin. Its as if another invisible layer of cells has been layed discretely over your own. I planned this year on being single, on living my life for myself for a while. I love being single. Really love it, I know how to have a good time. Things with the dutchie were fine, we both knew where we stood, it was a bit of fun until he left. Then the Canadaian came along and ruined my life. Lol. No thats melodramatic. He has infected my head. I hat the fact that I let him get so under my skin and that its not mutual. I guess its a blow to my vanity/pride. Its made worse by the fact that he is one of *those* guys, the ones with no shortage of female attention because they are funny and charming and just the right amount of crazy.

I feel sometimes like there are two personalities existing inside this skin. The real me today, the one who I love, but who sometimes has conversations with the other me, the dorky bookish too tall, intellectual adolscent that was not shy so much as didint know how to function in a world where people weren't that. Its strange because that person hasn't been who I am since I was in intermediate school, which was 8 years ago but sometimes my mental processes follow her thoughts instead of my own.

If he doesn't want me its his loss. I know that now. Its just that sometimes I forget.