Is it possible to be tired of being so many things to so many people yet nothing at all to anyone.

Loss comes in many forms. Sometimes we cut people out of our lives so we can stop hurting. A cauterization if you will. Other times other people cut us out of their lives and the shock its you like a hailstorm in the middle of what was a sunny day. If you aren't careful it can break you. Other times we learn things, about ourselves, about people and we realise that they weren't what we thought. Or we weren't. The hardest kind of loss is the sought that no one has any control over. When people are taken from us not by their chosing or ours. Then we fall apart. Some pieces go missing so putting things back together is less like a jigsaw puzzle and more like a bad patchwork job. But. Over time , no matter how long it takes we grow new bits.

I knew a dog once. It was a rotweiler and lived in the house behind us. He was mean through no fault of his own. His owners didint understand what it meant to have a rotweiler. The girl Marlene was one of my friends, so I went to visit her. That was when Bruno (The Dog) pinned me to a wall and snapped at me, his teeth only got the loose t-shirt I was wearing but it was frightening none the less. He was later adopted by a man named Ross who ate pickles from a jar bigger than I was (at the time) and lived on a piece of land in Kaukapkapa in a converted train. He later died of brain cancer.

I have an irrational hatred of spring. But it wasn't so irrational when I thought about it, it illustrates how much I don't think anymore.

When we lose people, it amazes us that life and the world around us just carries on like it always has. Whats even worse is that we do to.