There is a certain safety in anonymity. Its a breeze when no one knows your name. Hard, but in a breezy kind of way. With knowledge comes expectations and with expectations comes the possiblity of failing to meet those.
My father is in sydney at the moment. Im enjoying the peace. Love is hard work. Sometimes I wonder if deep down I have a hermit wanting to get out. Life is fun when you have company. Its not just misery that loves it, but joy as well.
The process of drifting away from people is hard, and at the end you can't blame anybody, but I have to wonder if you just like to jump from one close friendship to the next leaving chaos in your wake. You will never know how much you meant to me and how much you affected me. How much I mourned your loss. I still do sometimes when I think of you and what we had. Ah well such is life. I felt replaced. Many times over. Like you found in other people what I could never ever have been to you. In retaliation I stopped letting you know what was going on in my life. I know you blame me for our rift, and in my own way I blame me too. But I also blame you.
People say blame is counter-productive. But its a defense mechanism. Anger and hurt can be misdirected so they take a less destructive toll. However it can be more destructive. Relationships fall apart. I hope your happy. I am.
Where is my life going to take me? At the moment I don't know and I am perfectly happy with that.
Sleep time now.
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