Verrily my love

My parents think I am having an illicit affair with my best friend because he is male and calls me nearly every day. *Sigh*. in the last few minutes I think I have e-sighed at least ten times.

I want to write there is so much I have to say but simply no words to say it with. This a very new problem for me and one that is becoming troubling. I am never lost for words, but now they are impossible to find. I guess I will continue doing what I do best when I am unable to write. Write about being unable to write.

Everything is in a flutter. In a few short weeks not only have I lost my words I have lost myself. I don't know where I stand with anything anymore. I barely see my friends and my life seems to have become consumed by Kidsline and Uni. I am tired of dissapointing people but even more tired of not knowing what the hell it is I want. I am tired of feeling sad and being drained I am tired of being tired, of depriving myself of sleep so I don't have to feel. More than anything I hate whinging like this byt honestly I don't know what else to do. I am confuesd and in need of sleep.

The most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time was a middle aged white man kneeling on the footpath in the middle of mount eden giving a small brown boy a hug. A real hug. The kind where it looks like the people involved are trying to merge their souls.

I want to sleep under the stars.